For the last little while I have been going through a few health troubles myself.
As a kid of 12 in the christian orphanage I was among others also beaten with a whip.
This whip was a magnificent specimen: lovingly hand created by its owner, a nun, out of a metal curtain rod and several swine’s leather straps that featured fine little nails at its tips,- specificity for the purpose of inflicting utmost pain on the back, legs chest of naughty little children.
I was a repeat victim of this nun’s administrations.
Now, by that time I was well versed at escaping the physical pain by slipping into an “up”trance where I was able to view the whole scene with detachment as from ”above”, but that nasty little whip split open my right breast and that wound subsequently infected, like many of my other welts….
Over the years on and of this has given me problems. Bacteria and sadly also fungi had back then infiltrated a breast cyst and from time to time they rear their nasty heads and I end up with swollen angry painful cysts, that need to be drained and that usually scarrrre the living hell out of my Doctors. They show up on mammograms and then the alarm bells go on and everyone thinks I will be very dead in a matter of months….
Well – usually it turns out to be – same old same old, ….but – the older I get, the more calcified scar tissue I have and – yes, something “bad” may develop…..
Since mid November I have been dealing with another such flare-up and was sent from test to test and from biopsy to biopsy…..
But I also did my own healing-work. That encompasses draining these angry cysts myself with a syringe and fine needle, cleansing them with 0.9% salt solution as well as working with my Helping Spirits and shamanic Medicines. Among other things I drummed into my naked chest and smudged and cleansed and prayed and meditated. I slept on my Bear fur, praying for healing…..
In early January, a week before my husband left for a 1 month stay in Germany with his ailing mother, who was undergoing heart surgery, I was worrried.
So i went to ask my Ancestor Spirits, iffff I was Ok or – ….
I drummed and traveled up our Tree of Life to “go see” Umai Ee’ne.
Her answer to me was short, clear and to the point:
“It is just your FEAR! It has nothing to do with reality.”
with that in mind I stayed calm and send Peter on his way to take care of his mom.
Last week I first had yet another biopsy and after that the doctors ordered me into the hospital for an emergency breast sonogram on a Sunday morning.
That is now 8 days ago.
I have not heard a single piep from the doctors.
No news is good news, right!?!
Deep inside me, I knew, I would be OK.
Last night now I had a beautiful Healing Dream:
I was in the Forest. And there was Grandma Ulali! We were beside a wide fast flowing river, at the very edge of several cataracts. Right in front of us, there was sort of a whirlpool, where the churning waters had carved a deeeeep round pot-like hole into the slick rock.
There were many pictographs there – red markings – Otter- and Reindeer and Bear!
Bear with a large heart-line uniting his Breath-Soul with his Heart-Blood Soul.
Ulali gestured to me to undress and lay down on top of that life sized glyph. Then she somehow changed into a huge spider-Woman and quickly spun me into a cocoon of flesh-colored thread. Then she grabbed the end of that thread and lowered me into that whirlpool. Deeper and deeper- until it “bottomed out – but like an hour-glas changed into a second whirlpool. This one however had less icy water and at its bottom was a light green algae and liana and moss covered grotto. All kinds of small Birds were there: Goldfinches and Hummingbirds…. And a huuuuge masked Raven – adorned with the red and black ? Tlinkit – or ? Haida markings on his huuuuge beak he looked like Tupulogaukuk
I just however saw his head. He proceeded to peck at my right breast and pecked out all that was “bad” and then put small green bubbles of air-and plant material into the open wound, that subsequently closed up. It did not hurt at all and I was not afraid, I was soooooo glad, he did that. Then Ulali pulled on the string and I went back up…. and there again was the torrents of icy water, but this time I felt, they were cleansing me and I drank from the water as much as I could.
When I was back on the rocks, the cocoon was gone, so were all the pictographs. But the sun was there. I looked up into it – and awoke on my Bear fur.
I touched my right breast – the huge cyst was/ is gone –