Shamanic snot:


Oh, you got sick?

As a shaman you should not get sick!”

I hear that often.

Have your spirits deserted you”?

Well, NO!

Who said shamans do not get sick?

Get the flue? Get cancer, heart disease and die???

Have you ever seen = talked to a shaman that is 526 years ooooold and fresh and vigorous as a spring Chicken, goes about his work with the sick, frightened and the depressed and the ones in mourning?

NO, that is NOT how this works!!!

Shamans are just ordinary people with ordinary bodies and ordinary every day problems.

At least I am…. – Well, I have met a few others, that ACTED, as if they were not – but – guess what – one of them got cancer and the other one had a stroke at 48 and is now living in a extended care facility……

Sooooo Yes, I got the flue!!!!!

I went down to the city to a Drum Circle and one of the participants, who occasionally comes up to my place, when I teach, gave me the most sincere and heart felt bear hug.. and then told everyone, that his loved one was home with the flue and he had it too – just a little bit…..


Next day I was sneezing and it all went snotty from there!

Bad immune system hah??

Well, maybe – mine has to fight off “something” that someone has got for most every day…..

And all the snow shovelling and ice chopping and more snow shovelling while I was home alone for a month over X-mas and New Years and so on took something out of my 58 year oooold creaky bones.

Aah! when Peter cam back from visiting his family it was sooo good to just “flop” and relax!

Yeah! And then the bugggg got me! 😦sick_7

So: Fever!

Fever and fever dreams

Fever and journeying…..

Because, iffff I can not reallly sleep, and I are not reallly awake, and there are already images and sensations dancing around the margins of my ordinary consciousness, – I might as well journey and see, what I see” and learn…..

So: call all my Miahanits!

Jammer and sniffle and cough to them my mystery and after sneezing once again – (watch out, this blog post is contaminated with shaman snot……!! – as iffff there is not enough already of THAT all over the internet…..!!??)

Steam bath – late at night – shaman, de- snott thyself!! – right….

Under a towel, but still there is a little light, shining into the glass bowl filled with steaming hot water, augmented with Eucalyptus oil and fresh Peppermint leaves –

Green and yellowish dancing bubbles of oil reflecting the light getting larger and larger, vapour manifesting…… whitish grey fur speckled with beige brown spots – — and we are off!

Ee’en Omsür racing me to a deserted cave in a Tree-less, vegetation -less cave somewhere north of nowhere – of the NOWHERE desert – of Taklamakan… All dust in a dust bowl…..

….. I can not breath!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, well, what else is new….

OK, there on the wall it is, signs – like in our Journey Cave…..

The Yak-headed God!

Now – How many hands and feet has he got?

And in all those hands he is holding a whole arsenal o – ??? kitchen implements……

Buddhist kitchen implements that is….

Yamantaka's stuff

But kitchen is a place to prepare food – food for thought – or at least learning……

I see Ee’ren Omsür leaving – going to another cave nearby, where – a Lady SnowLeopard is hissing a not so very welcome……

Go – by “she says –

It clicks in my head – and sinuses…

Goby – Goby desert!! – that’s where this is…..

Gobi Altai…

Breathe deep and looooook into the bowl – where was Yamantaka?

Oh! Here!

He is alone in the cave of dust….. all his implements are nicely set up on the floor – It looks like a display of exotic pieces – pieces of jewellery – on the table of one of our craft shows. All nicely lined up.

With nothing in all his hands he roars billowing foggy steam at me – which smells like Peppermint….

Yeah Yeah – I get it… Breath deep!

Yama, Why do you need all these things?

Why do you need me to be scared of you?

I am not a Buddhist – or Bön practitioner

I am … there is no fancy word for “just me”, but now all my Miahanits are in the cave with me – us and it is rather crowded – and sticky….

There also is a fire on….Like the fire at home, in our Journey cave!

And with a flash THERE we are – all of us,Yama included. Without his “stufffff!!

Oh, without all his arms and legs too! Just one set of arms, utterly un-decorated he sits down next to Eeren Eder (Reindeer Spirit of my ancestor lineage….) looking forlorn and confused.

The big Drum is beating…. intoning our mantra chant…

I am a part of the universe

and the Universe is a part of me.

You are a part of the …..


Yama, all these arms, legs and Power tools you have, – it’s the People’s attempt to visually express, how omnipotent you are, that you are universe = Everything!!!!”

was that me – or Fretty saying that out loud?

Other Goddesses appear with 8 arms? Some with 20 arms?? 1000 arms, all holding a weapon or Power Tool in each hand? –

Well, HOW ELSE could Buddhist teachers, iconographers, Tangka painters, story tellers portray, convey, bring across to the People the Omnipresence and Omnipotence and Power of the Spirit.

Nishia “picture emotes”: ”Everything is illusion! So also all the Power tools are illusion. All that is real

is the all encompassing radiance of the all encompassing benevolent Power!

How do we in Siberia depict this very same concept?

a saymaly-tash,kirghistan

Creator Spirit Petroglyph from Siberia

How do the Aishenabe People here at home depict it?

a petroglyph provincial park ontario

“Great Spirit” Petroglyph from Peterborough,Ontario

Like this !

And how did Peter’s Ancestors …?


a tübingen,germany

All Power Spirit from Tuebingen, Germany

And California’s Natives??


There is a big loud cluttering happening as hundreds, maybe thousands of arms filled with implements and Power tools fall to the ground, a deafening cluttering noise, then filling the cave with smoke and dust.

Coughing, I see the Goddesses and Gods all standing there, wearing nothing but the halo of Power. They look sooooooo relieved, no more heavy weights to carry – they can breath!!

Or is it me?

I can breath!

Oh good!

The water in my bowl has stopped steaming.

My tea spoon had fallen to the ground….

I am back at our living room table with my towel over my head…..


Blade Wheel teachings:

After this revealing shamanic journey I felt that I have my work cut out for me:


Yamantaka 5

Like, what are the Buddhist teachings that go along with this deity and how do people “work” with him.

The internet was a big help in doing some research – on the days when we had electricity and our satellite connection worked……

Friends and other people on the path gave helpful tips and suggestions.

Ultimately however there remained the question, why did this Spirit appear to me with such persistence.

Had he attached himself to me at Nyima’s home, simply because I was there and “open”??

Had it to do with the fact that often I work with very sick people facing death or having to fight for their lives, overcoming devastating illnesses, suicidal thoughts and deep depressions?

Was it because I myself had experienced my own death more than once in Near Death Experiences brought on by VERY nasty arrhythmias that eventually necessitated telemetry surgery?

Was it because I have at times to “bargain” with the “Spirit of Death” for the life of one of my patients and now I am experiencing this very Spirit in its Buddhist emanation?

Learning and reading more and also journeying taught me, that the Buddhist Spirit of Death = Yama is not really the same than Yamantaka.

Yamantaka is more in charge of aiding people on the path to experience the death of their own ego!

To chop down an overinflated ego, a “know it all better” ego.

An “Oh I am soooo very enlightened – and you better watch me and listen to my wisdom” kind of ego 😦

An “I am your new guru” kind of pompous ass ego!

The very first question therefore I have to ask myself is: “ Am I a pompous ass??”

Do I come across as one???????

What behaviour makes me one?

What thought process brings out that behaviour?

Is writing this blog maybe evidence of pompous ass behaviour?

Navel gazing……

Is that pompous ass behaviour as well?

Can I even “see” myself in my own mirror?

How is, what I see, when I look at myself different from what others see, perceive me to be?

How can I clean up my act/ behaviour/ practice, my way with other Beings?

Sensing, writing out and then seeing this list of questions makes me want to hide and – just stop EVERYTHING I do……

…. But that leaves people hanging….. and is NOT what my Spirits wanted.

Dreams of who is going to die and who is in trouble and who is depressed and may need a phone call and….. quickly proved that…….

Hiding is not an option.

But AWARENESS is always the first step in the right direction.

And after that???

…. follow the bread crumbs……

So, where were they and how did I “get here”?

Oh yes, the puzzle pieces!!!!!

The visions, the beautiful Crystal rock from Mt Kailash!

All the other dreams……

Yaks and Yak tails for cleansing………(? Have I told you about my Yak tail? No, but I will! )

So, the Spirit moves in mysterious ways, right!

Remember the post about my strange dreams about a young beautiful woman that eventually turned out to be Uma Thurman??

Well, turns out, her dad is Robert Thurman, an eminent scholar about Buddhism and a friend of the Dalai Lama. He wrote a book about his travels to Mt Kailash!

from amazone

No sooner had I found out about that, then I saw this very book in the library – and on the same day it appeared on the reading list of Bhola’s website about the next pilgrimage trip he is organizing to Mt Kailash this year….

Ooooh how I am droooooling !

How much I would loooooove to sign up!!

But at 58 with a heart arrhythmia that “killed me 3 times” already that is not an option – – – in THIS lifetime…..

Sorry Bhola! I would soooooo love to…..

I can only travel there in Spirit…..

But I can stick my nose into a book or 2 🙂

Armchair traveller.

Robert Thurman and Ted Wise’s book ‘Circling the Sacred Mountain’ was written in 1999 – and just thinking, what all happened in the world since then makes my head spin – What they hoped for – and what hopes they had for Tibet…….

But during their travels Robert Thurman gave daily teachings about “The Blade Wheel (Swastika) of Mind Reform”, about Yamantaka’s “Wheel of Wisdom” and about honest self reflection and “stomping out and annihilating certain ego based behaviours”.

So, somebody was thinking, that I need that!

Well, yes, sure! I think, we all need that!

Become more aware and grow out of certain ego notions.

Especially because these days Western society is very “into self fulfilment” and so many people are becoming very self centred and I know of quite a few shamanic practitioners, that are simply “full of themselves”

I do not want to inadvertently stumble too deep into their ranks and so – I am putting my nose to the grindstone, into Yamantaka’s teachings and into the answers to the above mentioned questions.

Care to join me?



 The weeks and months after I got home from Nepal have been busy. Not only with all the normal every day stuff I have to do, especially in a rough winter, there was also a lot of personal shamanic work to be done.

What was that strange blue/ blackish Spirit that somehow managed to ad himself to my luggage? Oh, it was a him all right, he had the “equipment” all ready and raised!


How nice!

Whenever I held / meditated with my beautiful Kailash crystal rock, he appeared, either motionless and static starring at me – or dancing like a whirlwind flinging countless feet into the air, arms and hands filled with a whole souvenir shop full of pots and “bumba” vases and dorjes and bells……

These were the 3 things I recognized and for a while I had the feeling, I should have bought some like that in one such souvenir stand during our trip.

So- I started looking….. who could that Being be?

What is his connection to Mt Kailash? Could this maybe be Cakrasamvara who is to be envisions as sitting in a yap/yum sexual union with his consort inside the gigantic crystal that is Mt Kailash in the eyes of Buddhist worshippers.

There are caves at the Base of Mount Kailash, I found out! A very special place, where Milarepa meditated for years…..

I always feel drawn to caves… Should I journey into that one and try and find our?

Uh – Waaaaaay tooooo scarrrry for me – and I am not into “acquiring” any more strange Spirits from a pantheon I know very little about…..

Where had I seen this Spirit first? Yes, right, in Nyima’s house…..

That was the first time, when he manifested – at least his head and torso, – as if he was “stuck” somehow and could not get out – or back where he came from……

Journey to- into Nyima’s house??????????????

NO!! Waaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!

Tooooo intrusive and disrespectful to the family living there!

I would NOT do that – unless one of their life depends on it!

Shaman ethics 101 lesson here!

But journey to that beautiful place “outside” where I “saw” Nyima and the Animals on the grass….

Maybe one of the Animals was there and could “help”

Shaman ethics 101 lesson: I would NEVER “call Nyima”!!!!!!

He passed over and –

-according to my ancestral tribal beliefs is now resting for 7 generations with his ancestors, until he is ready for another journey to this side of the Valley.

According to HIS Buddhist beliefs and the insights of the Lama, he is already re-incarnated into a child “up North” – meaning in Tibet.

….. So a journey to that “beautiful place” it was. For it I asked the help of Lira, who is – of course always with me, Ee’ren Omsür, who had guided me through snow covered high mountains and Fretty, who is VERY good at finding out things that are hidden……

It was confusing and loooooong, until we finallly got there, only meeting The black Yak and the Goat.

Icy wind blew clouds of whirrrrling snow down from the high mountains in the background and in the howling wind I heard a “song” or cant:

Tang lah Ta~~~~ng la~~~

Sri snying bode’ bah….”

Every icy gust that hit us repeated the phrase.

Somehow, it was clear, we were not very welcome.

A sacrifice was needed

In a little basket I had an Owl feather and some artish (juniper smudge)

No, it was not enough, although the whirling snow lessened somewhat….

Then I “saw” to my horrrror, that Ee’ren Omsür jumped forward, on top of the Goat and ripped her throat out, spilling the blood everywhere……

The Yak changed its fur from black to white and pointed behind it where a rugged trail was visible, leading up to a high mountain, majestic and snow covered, now beneath bright sunshine and the bluest sky you can imagine. On the way there was a huuuuge natural rock arch, majestic, stark, mysterious, regal….

A sacred site.Thang-lha'i rgyal-sgo, gNam-mtsho

We made our way there. Standing beneath this majestic arch I said something like:”In all respect and humility I have come here to ask for help with a powerful spirit that comes into my visions and dreams. I am asking to understand who he is and what I am supposed to learn from/ through him. I wish to give the proper respect, but do not know how…….”

The answer was:

You have spilled Blood

Blood is Life

Life is Death

Death is Life


is Death

and Life.“

No sooner were these words “transmitted”, that the scene shimmered away and we were back with the dead Goat and the black Yak.

Ee’ren Omsür proceeded to eat the Goat, Fretty was waiting for his admittance to the feast and I was left standing, ready to return home, glad, that Goat is not on Lira’s meal plan……..

Tuvan ornament

Bringing this information back, I did my obligatory “thank you smudge”, then wrote down what I remembered, especially the song and what the Spirits said….

  • Goooooogled it:

Of course, like always, my orthography sucked and Jammatanka had to change into Yamantaka, until things became VERY clear!

Lord of Death!

All decked out in his Buddhist form 🙂

 Yamantaka 03

about this spirit:

about the arch picture:

I discovered a picture of a surprisingly similar arch to the one I “visited” during the trance journey on this valluable web site:

Bells – link

Well, this definately turned out to be a “cros-over post”

Since EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS CONNECTED  I leave it to you, my readers, to decide, if this one  and the 2 preceeding posts should be on this blog – or with the other A”HA card meditations in “The Voice within the Cards”

Oh, and I will just put the link to a very short video about the use of a bell and a dorje: