A Solstice Song given by the Spirits:

The other day, Peter and me were invited to a Christmas party.

It was nice: friends and acquaintances, good food, laughter and fun. Fun especially, because there were “Christmas party games”

As you know, we are anything but Christians and not very familiar with all the customs of the seasons, so we both drew blanks when it got to a game where one has to recite or even sing one many of the popular Christmas songs.

The only one I knew was Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer – (I HAVE to know that one, 🙂 my paternal Siberian Ancestors were / are Reindeer herders from the north side of the mighty Yenisei river in north-east Tuva.) And of Silent Night I only know and could sing the Cree text…..

Some of our friends were surprised and one of them suggested I should come and sing it like that in his church. 

I do not think it is my place, to sing a christian song in a Native American language in a church – after all what the churches did and still do to Native Culture……

Oh well….

The next morning at home I had a bit of a migraine (repercussions for eating the delicious cheese appetizers) and so instead of rushing around, I had to sit still in the semidarkness of dawn– and had time to think.:

How much acculturated am I?

What other X-mas songs do I know?

What are the songs of the Winter Solstice of my own Siberian culture?

My Ada was anything other than a singer, he rather hollered and growled to the stomping rhythm of his large shaman staff witch had rattles and bells attached. A rather frightening ruckus he made with it!

I also do remember the Solstice Chant, that calls the Owl Guardians, asking them for protection through the long icy winter nights. I also remember the trance rhythms we are to drum, when the shaman walks around the village, asking for Blessings and protection and then sits out the long and frigid night up on a snowy windy rock promontory or even atop a tall Tree chanting and praying for everyone in the hamlet. This after all was my great grandmother Ulali’s job.

I also know, that when the Wolves do answer or join into that lonely chant, it is seen as VERY fortuitous for the new solar year.

It is a velvety soft pulling thing/ feeling, when the trance comes in – and takes hold.

Somehow the melody and words of the Huron Carol floated into my mind…..

Then the scenery before my eyes changed.

A wintry night

deep snow, the moon up, full, just before midnight

Ice crystals glistening on all the Spruce Tree branches, bark cracking in -50 below

This is HOME = Siberia…….

A Wolf…….

entering the clearing filled with more than Moon and Star light…..

and then the words came in

on the melody….

A female Elder’s voice…..


T’was in the Moon of Wintertime

an old Wolf this way came

He had a ragged mangy coat

and on one foot he was lame.

He had a rotten toothless throat

and a stomach full of hunger pain

He knew that Death would be a grace

to an old wreck of his mighty race….

So he walked towards the Morning Star – – –

-and was surprised what he there saw- –

A beautiful glittering Reindeer dame

A Spirit with her antlers aflame

Life Magic from her heart did glow,

Love and mercy in her eyes did show,

She touche him with her sacred hand

to send him off to Never- Land…

But oh– he felt the Magic swell…….

the old Wolf changed to young and well!

His coat aglow in the sparkling snow,

his teeth all trim, feet fast and slim

Deep in his heart the Wolf did know

that never again old and frail he’ll grow

For all time he’ll wander through the night

all lost Souls home her was to guide

Sooo thankful for this Sacred Gift

into the air his snout he lift

and sang the first chant ever done

That on Solstice night

Star Maiden would come

To take away all pain and fear

So you all too live another year

So sing with me the Börü chant

that it will ring across this land….



Much much later, tears streaming down my face, hands still shaking, but migraine gone completely,

I managed to write it down, in 1 uninterrupted “flow-stream”…..

Still tears of thankfulness dripping onto the paper……

They are coming back, as I am sitting here now, typing it.

I know, the song, is based on one of the many E’eren Börü, legends of my Ancestors.

I also know, it is not for me alone, it is given, so I can share it with the community.

It says, “So you all too live another year!”

It is a little like something my Great gran Ulali would bring back from her midwinter night ordeal, to share with the people……

Solstice Blessings!

So you all too will live another year!


Rhime of reason

I  don’t know, I don’t know…

….shall I leave it , shall I go

I am toooo old,

I have no time

to put genetics

into my mind


Often in trance I see an array

of waving lines, that move and sway

asking my guides, what could they be

“It’s double Snakes, that you do see”

A double helix waves along,

but on its side, is something wrong,

That bluish blob does not belong.

What does it mean, that I there see

and what

for it

the cure could be?

will I learn that,

if I go

What healer am I,

that does not know…..


….……………….Mi-Shell J  February 21


= when I’m awake…….

and it is night….

when I am talking

to my guide……

when I am asking

for advice

receive an answer –

– not always nice…

blue owl

Cultural Roller coaster:


Healing Chants for D. on Lake Mazinaw


I am running up and down in my own living room.

What a contrast to the above image!

I feel full of nervous Energy!

Energy waiting for release and directions

What to do first,

What to attend to, what to leave for later, what can wait a day or 2…..

I am on a cultural roller coaster!


Let me tell you guys what’s up:


Culture 1:

Well, A week ago we were at the Haudenosaunee Longhouse teaching with our Mohawk friends and yet again received powerful teachings, feasted, laughed and danced……

I should sit down and jot down these teachings, so I remember –

– – the words…..

Mohawk is a tricky language and I only understand the Sache’m, when I go into trance and what he says comes in – in pictures……

Often later he or J. translates and then I am amazed, how accurate it is!



Baby Snapper2

Late at night we rescued 27 freshly hatched baby Snapping turtles 🙂

Culture 2:

We were away on a mini vacation for a week – over to Bon Echo Provincial Park to canoe and see the pictographs that the Anishenabeg Ancestors drew into the mighty rocks rising out of Mazinaw Lake.

While there, I received a VERY powerful vision and Medicine Teachings directly from- –

? – Yea – where DID they come from?

The Spirits –

I can not classify it any better, because that would mean labelling the experience and thereby limiting it, make it smaller, maybe more manageable to my little Bird brain, but also “cutting it down”…….

As of right now, I do not dare to do that……


Culture 3:

Coming home from this trip we of course had to immediately attend to “modern mundane life” = yet another Farmer’s Market to go to, set up and sell our own handmade Bearpaw Jewellery…

Also of course finding orders in the e-mail, phone messages from family, friends, students and clients, deal with a broken down car and an empty fridge…..




Culture 4:

That out of the way I had to hustle and get cracking on my homework for my on line Curandera course and then write the exam for this last week…..

Mexican Folk Healing, Healing Plants, Temazcal teachings and Risa Terapia = Laughter Therapy….

The differences and the similarities of doing a “Limpia” = cleansing prayer over a patient – as done in Mexico versus how I do it in my own practice according to my Ancestor’s and my family teachings or how it would be done in Nepal……..

It all brought me back to the many winters in the mid 1980 that we lived travelled and worked in Mexico…..

I also much enjoy being able to use my Spanish language knowledge, that up here in Canada can easily get rusty…..

Never mind all the Aztec words I remember the yerberas and curanderas using, when selling the Herbs in the Markets……


Well, my exam passed I now will go for a little walk out into Mother Nature, swish swush through a deep carpet of fall leaves, breath deeeeep, clear my head a little,and then –

– Return to write my Medicine Diary/ journal about what happened in Bon Echo and – eventually tell you guys all about it 🙂



Shamanic snot:


Oh, you got sick?

As a shaman you should not get sick!”

I hear that often.

Have your spirits deserted you”?

Well, NO!

Who said shamans do not get sick?

Get the flue? Get cancer, heart disease and die???

Have you ever seen = talked to a shaman that is 526 years ooooold and fresh and vigorous as a spring Chicken, goes about his work with the sick, frightened and the depressed and the ones in mourning?

NO, that is NOT how this works!!!

Shamans are just ordinary people with ordinary bodies and ordinary every day problems.

At least I am…. – Well, I have met a few others, that ACTED, as if they were not – but – guess what – one of them got cancer and the other one had a stroke at 48 and is now living in a extended care facility……

Sooooo Yes, I got the flue!!!!!

I went down to the city to a Drum Circle and one of the participants, who occasionally comes up to my place, when I teach, gave me the most sincere and heart felt bear hug.. and then told everyone, that his loved one was home with the flue and he had it too – just a little bit…..


Next day I was sneezing and it all went snotty from there!

Bad immune system hah??

Well, maybe – mine has to fight off “something” that someone has got for most every day…..

And all the snow shovelling and ice chopping and more snow shovelling while I was home alone for a month over X-mas and New Years and so on took something out of my 58 year oooold creaky bones.

Aah! when Peter cam back from visiting his family it was sooo good to just “flop” and relax!

Yeah! And then the bugggg got me! 😦sick_7

So: Fever!

Fever and fever dreams

Fever and journeying…..

Because, iffff I can not reallly sleep, and I are not reallly awake, and there are already images and sensations dancing around the margins of my ordinary consciousness, – I might as well journey and see, what I see” and learn…..

So: call all my Miahanits!

Jammer and sniffle and cough to them my mystery and after sneezing once again – (watch out, this blog post is contaminated with shaman snot……!! – as iffff there is not enough already of THAT all over the internet…..!!??)

Steam bath – late at night – shaman, de- snott thyself!! – right….

Under a towel, but still there is a little light, shining into the glass bowl filled with steaming hot water, augmented with Eucalyptus oil and fresh Peppermint leaves –

Green and yellowish dancing bubbles of oil reflecting the light getting larger and larger, vapour manifesting…… whitish grey fur speckled with beige brown spots – — and we are off!

Ee’en Omsür racing me to a deserted cave in a Tree-less, vegetation -less cave somewhere north of nowhere – of the NOWHERE desert – of Taklamakan… All dust in a dust bowl…..

….. I can not breath!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, well, what else is new….

OK, there on the wall it is, signs – like in our Journey Cave…..

The Yak-headed God!

Now – How many hands and feet has he got?

And in all those hands he is holding a whole arsenal o – ??? kitchen implements……

Buddhist kitchen implements that is….

Yamantaka's stuff

But kitchen is a place to prepare food – food for thought – or at least learning……

I see Ee’ren Omsür leaving – going to another cave nearby, where – a Lady SnowLeopard is hissing a not so very welcome……

Go – by “she says –

It clicks in my head – and sinuses…

Goby – Goby desert!! – that’s where this is…..

Gobi Altai…

Breathe deep and looooook into the bowl – where was Yamantaka?

Oh! Here!

He is alone in the cave of dust….. all his implements are nicely set up on the floor – It looks like a display of exotic pieces – pieces of jewellery – on the table of one of our craft shows. All nicely lined up.

With nothing in all his hands he roars billowing foggy steam at me – which smells like Peppermint….

Yeah Yeah – I get it… Breath deep!

Yama, Why do you need all these things?

Why do you need me to be scared of you?

I am not a Buddhist – or Bön practitioner

I am … there is no fancy word for “just me”, but now all my Miahanits are in the cave with me – us and it is rather crowded – and sticky….

There also is a fire on….Like the fire at home, in our Journey cave!

And with a flash THERE we are – all of us,Yama included. Without his “stufffff!!

Oh, without all his arms and legs too! Just one set of arms, utterly un-decorated he sits down next to Eeren Eder (Reindeer Spirit of my ancestor lineage….) looking forlorn and confused.

The big Drum is beating…. intoning our mantra chant…

I am a part of the universe

and the Universe is a part of me.

You are a part of the …..


Yama, all these arms, legs and Power tools you have, – it’s the People’s attempt to visually express, how omnipotent you are, that you are universe = Everything!!!!”

was that me – or Fretty saying that out loud?

Other Goddesses appear with 8 arms? Some with 20 arms?? 1000 arms, all holding a weapon or Power Tool in each hand? –

Well, HOW ELSE could Buddhist teachers, iconographers, Tangka painters, story tellers portray, convey, bring across to the People the Omnipresence and Omnipotence and Power of the Spirit.

Nishia “picture emotes”: ”Everything is illusion! So also all the Power tools are illusion. All that is real

is the all encompassing radiance of the all encompassing benevolent Power!

How do we in Siberia depict this very same concept?

a saymaly-tash,kirghistan

Creator Spirit Petroglyph from Siberia

How do the Aishenabe People here at home depict it?

a petroglyph provincial park ontario

“Great Spirit” Petroglyph from Peterborough,Ontario

Like this !

And how did Peter’s Ancestors …?


a tübingen,germany

All Power Spirit from Tuebingen, Germany

And California’s Natives??


There is a big loud cluttering happening as hundreds, maybe thousands of arms filled with implements and Power tools fall to the ground, a deafening cluttering noise, then filling the cave with smoke and dust.

Coughing, I see the Goddesses and Gods all standing there, wearing nothing but the halo of Power. They look sooooooo relieved, no more heavy weights to carry – they can breath!!

Or is it me?

I can breath!

Oh good!

The water in my bowl has stopped steaming.

My tea spoon had fallen to the ground….

I am back at our living room table with my towel over my head…..


Blade Wheel teachings:

After this revealing shamanic journey I felt that I have my work cut out for me:


Yamantaka 5

Like, what are the Buddhist teachings that go along with this deity and how do people “work” with him.

The internet was a big help in doing some research – on the days when we had electricity and our satellite connection worked……

Friends and other people on the path gave helpful tips and suggestions.

Ultimately however there remained the question, why did this Spirit appear to me with such persistence.

Had he attached himself to me at Nyima’s home, simply because I was there and “open”??

Had it to do with the fact that often I work with very sick people facing death or having to fight for their lives, overcoming devastating illnesses, suicidal thoughts and deep depressions?

Was it because I myself had experienced my own death more than once in Near Death Experiences brought on by VERY nasty arrhythmias that eventually necessitated telemetry surgery?

Was it because I have at times to “bargain” with the “Spirit of Death” for the life of one of my patients and now I am experiencing this very Spirit in its Buddhist emanation?

Learning and reading more and also journeying taught me, that the Buddhist Spirit of Death = Yama is not really the same than Yamantaka.

Yamantaka is more in charge of aiding people on the path to experience the death of their own ego!

To chop down an overinflated ego, a “know it all better” ego.

An “Oh I am soooo very enlightened – and you better watch me and listen to my wisdom” kind of ego 😦

An “I am your new guru” kind of pompous ass ego!

The very first question therefore I have to ask myself is: “ Am I a pompous ass??”

Do I come across as one???????

What behaviour makes me one?

What thought process brings out that behaviour?

Is writing this blog maybe evidence of pompous ass behaviour?

Navel gazing……

Is that pompous ass behaviour as well?

Can I even “see” myself in my own mirror?

How is, what I see, when I look at myself different from what others see, perceive me to be?

How can I clean up my act/ behaviour/ practice, my way with other Beings?

Sensing, writing out and then seeing this list of questions makes me want to hide and – just stop EVERYTHING I do……

…. But that leaves people hanging….. and is NOT what my Spirits wanted.

Dreams of who is going to die and who is in trouble and who is depressed and may need a phone call and….. quickly proved that…….

Hiding is not an option.

But AWARENESS is always the first step in the right direction.

And after that???

…. follow the bread crumbs……

So, where were they and how did I “get here”?

Oh yes, the puzzle pieces!!!!!

The visions, the beautiful Crystal rock from Mt Kailash!

All the other dreams……

Yaks and Yak tails for cleansing………(? Have I told you about my Yak tail? No, but I will! )

So, the Spirit moves in mysterious ways, right!

Remember the post about my strange dreams about a young beautiful woman that eventually turned out to be Uma Thurman??

Well, turns out, her dad is Robert Thurman, an eminent scholar about Buddhism and a friend of the Dalai Lama. He wrote a book about his travels to Mt Kailash!

from amazone

No sooner had I found out about that, then I saw this very book in the library – and on the same day it appeared on the reading list of Bhola’s website about the next pilgrimage trip he is organizing to Mt Kailash this year….


Ooooh how I am droooooling !

How much I would loooooove to sign up!!

But at 58 with a heart arrhythmia that “killed me 3 times” already that is not an option – – – in THIS lifetime…..

Sorry Bhola! I would soooooo love to…..

I can only travel there in Spirit…..

But I can stick my nose into a book or 2 🙂

Armchair traveller.

Robert Thurman and Ted Wise’s book ‘Circling the Sacred Mountain’ was written in 1999 – and just thinking, what all happened in the world since then makes my head spin – What they hoped for – and what hopes they had for Tibet…….

But during their travels Robert Thurman gave daily teachings about “The Blade Wheel (Swastika) of Mind Reform”, about Yamantaka’s “Wheel of Wisdom” and about honest self reflection and “stomping out and annihilating certain ego based behaviours”.

So, somebody was thinking, that I need that!

Well, yes, sure! I think, we all need that!

Become more aware and grow out of certain ego notions.

Especially because these days Western society is very “into self fulfilment” and so many people are becoming very self centred and I know of quite a few shamanic practitioners, that are simply “full of themselves”

I do not want to inadvertently stumble too deep into their ranks and so – I am putting my nose to the grindstone, into Yamantaka’s teachings and into the answers to the above mentioned questions.

Care to join me?



….Continuing from previous post…..

No sooner had we taken the last “ good bye” picture, that Nyima’s wife called us back into the house, to

“PLEASE buy something, to help”

They now have lost their only bread winner and although all women of the family are making/ stringing the widely available “Tibetan jewellery” items, since they have to stay home for the mourning period and take care of the lighting of the butter lamps, they are all but out of money and dependent on the good will and help of their neighbours.

Hastily mother and daughter spread a tangled jumble of necklaces of all varieties onto the table, then left to get a few of Nyima’s personal things, that they were prepared to sell.shopping spreeThere was a small “movable Altar” – 625 silver with a picture of Padmasambhava in the centre. It was a well used and not to clean, tarnished and still held a few yellow flower pedals.

I was shocked! Did they RELAY want to sell that to us? Should that not stay with the precious Melongs and his headdress????

BUT then, when I touched it – – something did not feel right….. there was no Power!?

Someone else quickly claimed it.

More things were taken from a small bag and put onto the loaded table. There were a Dorje and a tangled mess of leather onto which 3 copper balls were attached. A red flash of lightning zzzaged right onto them and I reached for.

They felt HOT!

Not with heat from Fire, but with – what I again only can describe as Anaguilin = Spirit POWER.

They were about Walnut size, each on a tangled leather string, symmetrical “4 directions design” soldered in brass onto 1 side, and respectively each adorned with a Turquoise and a Red Coral stone in its middle. The reverse side also showed a kanji and a design, that immediately reminded me of our Siberian Ülziy eternal knot design, that also is very prevalent here in Nepal.

The 2 halves of the copper ball come apart so as to make up a prayer box and one can insert a protection amulet or any other small power item. A permanent protection amulet made of Yak leather is attached at the lower end of the copper pieces.

They are known as Ghau


Also immediately I KNEW, that 2 of these were “for me” and one was “for my friend M.

OK, no problem. I held on to them.

All the other items were also taken and now the ladies were looking through the jewellery.

I felt overwhelmed and slightly befuddled by the Energy emanating from the ritual objects in my hands, handed over the asked for financial contribution and left the small house to the shoppers. Outside the rain had finally stopped.

A while later we made our way back through the village and then up to the monastery. In front of its gates were a row of covered stalls of Tibetan vendors.

They all beckoned us, but Bhola urged us, not to linger but rather hasten to the monastery.

But I was in no mood to be rushed and took a closer look at the wares offered in the stalls.

Beautiful pieces of handiwork most quite similar to what we had seen in Hanuman Dorka Square in Kathmandu and then also similar beaded necklaces like the ones for sale in Nyima’s home.

I also noticed several more of the small silver altars, identical to the one seen at the house, less “worn and used” but with the same pictures and flowers… All were offered as “authentic” and “old”

Nowhere however I saw any of the copper prayer/ amulet ghaus again and so was glad, to have “adopted” them, when I did….  

-Neither here or anywhere else in Nepal.

I was much intrigued by a single cymbal or tingsha (NO idea, how this word is written.. 😦 )

It is rung with the tip of a Yak horn. It had a beautiful prolonged ring and a prayer mantra was engraved into the cast.

The Elder, that sold it was obviously poor, wearing ripped trousers and a shirt that was more a rag than a garment. He was somewhat shy and – with the weather being what it was, when I looked at him I was not surprised to “see” red and inflamed joints namely right shoulder and both knees.

I asked him – more in sign language than anything else, if he had often carried heavy loads. Yes, yes, wood and rocks for building 45 years… “and pain?”

Yes, yes, here” = shoulder and Aou ou ou, here,” pointing to his knees and the moist fog outside……

I bargained hard with him for that tingsha – from 450 rupees down to 150, but then gave him the full amount he had initially asked for, also pulling out my bottle of ibuprofen gave some some instructions as to when to take 1 and specifying, that the rest of the money I had given him was for another bottle of anti inflammatories at the drug store in town.

cymbal with Yak horn

Tears welled up in his eyes as he hugged me good bye…..

my salesperson

But then I HAD to go.

I caught up with the rest of the group at the entrance of the monastery temple.

after the rain

to the temple

Monestary Drum

Monestary altar with tormas


Pokhara, a cloudy, windy morning.On our way

A small bus picks up our group for an excursion to the Tarshi Palkhiel Tibetan Refugee village north of town in the foot hills of the mountains.

Bhola introduces us to Sarah Siefert, who since years works with the Tibetan population in the village and specially with their Paus, their shamans. Over many years of work she had gained the trust of the people and then taught herself the art of documentary filming for the specific purpose to preserve the work and the knowledge of the Tibetan shamans of the camp for future generations.

Nyima from the net

Today we are visiting the home and family of the very last of the Tibetan shamans, Nyima Dhondup, who sadly died 3 weeks previously. Originally it was planned, to visit him and learn from him. Now we are mourning a great loss. Nyima, in his early 70’s, was the last of the shamans of the village, that now is left without a healer.

Nyima with his Melong and bell, courtesy of Sacred Hoop Magazine

Nyima with his Melong and bell, courtesy of Sacred Hoop Magazine

The death rituals for such an important person continue for 49 days with the constant burning of butter lamps, readings from the Tibetan Book of the Dead and never ending streams of visitors that pay their respects to the family and have to be served with Tea and sweets.

On our way through the crowded streets of Pokhara we had stopped at a butter “factory” and Bhola had picked up 3 large ( ??10 lb?) cube-like blocks of butter, that will keep the butter lamps going for a day each. We also brought food sugar and tea……

Soon we leave Pokhara behind and the road steepens and winds upward past countless vehicle to nyimas houserepair shops , lumber and metal work yards then fields and terraces,until we reach the camp. In the beginning rain we walk along chest high stone walls enclosing individual compounds. Sarah is well known and greeted by whoever works in one of the court yards or garden plots along our way. We share the path with Dogs and Cows.

At Nyima’s compound we are confronted with a customary but also heart wrenching outbursts of grief. His wife Tashiis crying and lamenting loudly, rocking forth and back in agony and is comforted by her ~ 16 year old daughter Dokar and soon also by Sarah and Bhola, who share in the crying and lamenting. Tsedup, Nyima’s brother and – now ex- interpreter is inviting us into the treatment room and we are asked to sit on the benches along the 3 walls. I “sense” a place across the door as “where Nyima always was sitting” and try to avoid it – toooooo Powerful Energy is there, sucking at me like a blue furnance, in which I see a dog-like animal swirrrrrling…..( Being wolf Clan from my Ada’s side, I wonder, iffff my choice is right or wrong, but I rather err on the side of RESPECT.)

Cowering down on the comfortable bench next to Peter I also cautiously turn around my Toli, that I am wearing beneath my cloth and decide to keep my rain jacket on. Icy wind now is falling down from the peaks behind the house, tearing at the window and chilling all of us. But in traditional hospitality we are served hot tea and sweets and after Sarah and Bhola again profess their grief over the loss of their friend, they along with Dokar begin to tell us about Nyima as a person with a sometimes child-like disposition, and his work, that she was privileged to film. She also explains, that as far as Nyima’s people are concerned, the shamanic gift is only passed down in families,always jumping one generation, from grandfather to grandson, uncle to nephew, so all eyes are now on Dokar’s youngest brother, age 12, who right now sits at the door with his smart phone and shakes his head, laughing – “No, not me!” so far…..

They also describe the massive Altar in the dais right across the door, that was erected by the lamas and the family to honour Nyima and to help his Soul through the dangerous journey from death to reincarnation. –  Many layers of “torma” made from flour mixed with water, many flowers….   (Again and again Dokar’s  mom bursts out in tears and gently is comforted.)

The Altar was supposed to be destroyed already yesterday, but since the lamas and the family knew of out visit, they left it up for us to see and ad our prayers – later to be released in aid of Nyima’s journey.

Outside, as if all the heavens are mourning for Nyima, a horrrrrendous rain, hail and wind storm is breaking loose. The torrential downpour and icy winds force themselves through the open window. It can not be closed, because streamers and prayer flags connect it with the shed outside, where relatives are keeping the butter lamps burning day and night for the prescribed 49 days.

When the rain lets up a bit, we are asked to go out and also in a prayerful manner light a butter lamp for Nyima.rows of butter lamps

Next, back in the ritual room, after more butter tea, Dokar is bringing in Nyima’s ritual objects.

To my absolute astonishment she passes them around the room!

While I am “drowning” in the view of – yet again that strange scruffy Dog, Dokar holds up Nyima’s Melong, his largest ritual mirror. It quickly passes from Sarah to Bhola, then to 3 members of our group, then from Peter to me. As I just touch it, it is “blue-hot” and, shaking, I almost crumble over it, somehow realizing, that it touches my Toli beneath my shirt and the Power whushes me into a bottomless hole occupied by – a bluish black Yak-like being with large horns, sharp teeth, hundreds of arms and legs holding all kinds of “stuff” this Being is dancing right on top of another being beneath him/ her…..Now many of the countless arms are reaching out towards me, while “Medicine Tools” of all kind float in the vortex……

-” Oh NOOOOO, not me”!!!!! is all I am trying to think through the fog.

I am shaking. I am not “for this” I am just here to learn something….

The Melong is heavy and HOT and an aeon of time later I realize Bhola’s gaze on me and pass it on…. I hear a drum, a rapid beat…… and yes, there is Nyma’s drum being passed around, although, we apparently were instructed, not to play it and nobody did…..

As I hold it up, I feel streams of “LightPower” streaming from its sweaty streamers into that “vortex-hole” with the snarling horned Spirit in the middle.

Then around comes Nyma’s bell, now silent and yearning to be played again. Then more melongs, holding the strange energy of yet another Spirit, an Elder with turquoise stones in his white hair, sitting in a “arched rock” high up on a windy plateau and a white Horse, that I only see from the back…..

and –

— Then Peter hands me a HUUUUUGE dead Butterfly.

It smells musty – and – like Nyima!

Here he is, his human side, his suffering, the tirelessness of the shamanic act, the tiredness of his old body, his passion spend in millions of droplets of sweat, soaked into the Butterfly and now – released to transform – yet again into a new form and shape.

How beautiful!

Confused I wake up and realize, I am holding Nyima’s headdress, the triple crown with the Butterfly wings limp, sweaty and stained with decades of effort directed towards each and every one of his patients…..


As tears of embodied exhaustion flow from my eyes, I pass the “Butterfly” along to the next person.

I am “spent” confused, exhausted, not really there…

…. toooo wide open, seeing yet again that strange Spirit and through all the haze I hear Sarah talking – ?

??about something….. ????

– Her project, her interviews with different shamans, filming… I can not concentrate…..

I KNOW, I should try to pay attention….. I can not.

Not as long as the multi-handed horned Spirit is there, suspended in the middle of the room.

I think, what was next, is, that we were ready to go, but the lama arrives, to read the passages from the Book of the Dead ascribed for this day. We all have to move, to make room for him on the bench that Nyima occupied while alive. So I come to sit directly across from the lama. He opens his small red book and in a melodic voice reads the block printed text from the individual pages.


His voice again makes me first rock slowly forth and back, then drift like on a cloud…..

….There are all the Spirits!

There, through the open window I can see Nyima!

It is sunny and warm outside, not at all the kind of hell storm weather we had that day….

Nyima is sitting in the grass, next to a Dog, obviously his companion, and, since partly translucent, probably long departed and now united with his human friend again. There also was ? A Goat and a Yak – or rather Yak-Spirit Being.

Nyima is happy, laughing…….sitting in the green grass with the Animals. He was dressed in regular cloth, shirt and pants, no regalia. The mountains in the background are huuuuge, all snowcapped and glistening in the sun.


….The lama has stopped speaking and the group is  stirring, someone touches me and I shake like a leave….. Peter quickly grabs me and holds me tight……

We were to leave a financial offering for the family, that now had lost their main bread winner. Peter takes care of that….

We were to go outside for a picture…..

BholaLama  Sarah Joe and me

While that took place, Dokar’s mom brought forth all kinds of things she hoped we would buy from her….

…..to be continued…….

some links:



Sacred Hoop Magazine issue 79 with pictures and infos about Nyima and much more:



My Shaman’s Mirror

Have I told you about my Toli yet?
> goes off checks all the posts here….<
No, I have not, then it is a good topic for today and it is important in order for you to hone your inner feeling/ knowing as to what I am going to tell next about mirrors in Nepal
My Toli:
A Toli is a Shaman’s mirror. Different people have different names for them.
My father (Ada) had one. It was laaaaarge and heavy bronze, simple with a rough hole drilled through the middle, where, with the help of a pin and ring he attached a leather rope, so he could wear it over his chest. It had “engraved “– no rather roughly scratched into it several symbols pertaining to his Miahanits – helping Spirits – and notches / marks for certain important events in his live. It also had a nasty, wharpy ding/notch in it, and as a small child I always imagined that that was the notch for the man he killed during the war….. He never talked about it……. contrary to many other things –
This one was “tabu”

My sister also had one – but it is a sweet delicate affair, round brass with a real mirror on one side and a silk ribbon string….. I now safe-keep that one…..
But, years ago there came a time, when I wanted my own Toli.
Sooooo get one from someone???????
These things are available – on etsy and other web sites….. but if it is a commercially made thing – it would not have any Power, right?….
And if it was some oooold mirror – like the one for sale from Tibet by a Santa Fee dealer right now( for $ 1400 so I could not afford it …..) …and -?? What kind of “Energy” would be hanging on that????
Do I want that “residue”
So then, make my own!
And I did :

Toli back 1

handcrafted Toli

Red Brass, with symbols for my Miahanits in Sterling Silver on one side. Peter did the soldering. He is a wizard when it comes to applying fine detail cut from thin Sterling silver sheet or wire. A clear polished front side, with just a rim of hammered emblems, so I can “see” with it.
A nice silk scarf, a few bells and an Owl feather and it was time to invocate it.

Toli with Spirit
Over the years it has become the important shamanic tool I hod it would be.
It directly connects me to my Ancestors and when I lay it over the heart region of a client is – like a “Soul stethoscope” through which I can perceive what is amiss….
So, naturally, I took it to Nepal, along with our drum, my Rattle and my Moy = mouth organ.

If you feel like reading a little more about shaman’s mirrors, here are a few sites:



A Rock for my Puzzle:

As I already told you in the November Nepal posts, we had regular teaching sessions with our Nepali shaman teacher Bhola Banstola.

One morning he told us about his spiritual pilgrimage earlier in the year to Mount Kailash, the Sacred Mountain for Buddhists, Hindus, Bönpos, Jains, shamans and many other spiritual worshippers.

30 Mount Kailash North Face from Dirapuk Gompa On Mount Kailash Outer Kora

Mount Kailash is in Eastern Tibet and many pilgrims travel there to circum ambulate the “Holy Mountain” in a prayerful manner. Bhola had done so too and while travelling had collected stones – rocks from the foot of Mount Kailash.

These “souvenirs” are seen as carrying the very potency of “The Mountain within them and are powerful “Medicine”

Now, Bhola had brought one of these rocks for each of us, for our altar and our Nepali Medicine Pouches.

Mt Kailash

Before we received them Bhola told us about Mount Kailash being the all POWERFUL seat of the Gods.

Here are a few sites, where you can read more about Mount Kailash:




The rocks Bhola had for us, were quite different in size and geological composition – one was a rough crystal, others igneous rock, others sandstone and Bhola now felt overwhelmed to just distribute them himself -(and letting us choose was out of the question too…..) So he asked one of the circle members, Michael, to use his instincts and distribute them, as he saw fit and just.

So slowly Michael picked up the lot and then first holding each rock close to his heart, moved around the room and passed it into the waiting hands of its recipient.

Into my cupped hands I received the large lump of sheer crystal!

It was HEAVY and HOT and a powerful ENERGY surged through my hands into my spine and down into my root seat.

I started to shake.

I dare not look at it.

Bhola started a Blessing Ritual that we were to follow in order to welcome our rock.

Later, finally I took a closer look at my new treasure: It is pure rock crystal. But- and I started shaking again: There, in the upper part is a portal , a natural passage winding itself between glittering miniature crystals deep into the rock – and out the other side!

This rock is –dare I say it out loud- a Chicken God, a Blessing Stone from the Sacred Mount Kailash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Crystal rocl from Mt Kailash

For me????????????????????

In Sanskrit the word Kailasa  means “crystal!

Whouw!!! How special!

The Portal


Of course Peter also received a stone.

His stone looked like all the other stones passed out:

Peters Kailash Rock


At the centre of the earth, there stands a great mountain,

Lord of Snows, majestic, rooted in the sea,

its summit wreathed in clouds

a measuring rod for all creation

– Kalidasa, Indian poet and dramatist (4C)

A Stone with a Hole…..

Next puzzle piece: Chicken Gods:

Do you know, what a Chicken God is?

A stone/ rock with a natural hole in it. In other traditions they are also called “holey stones”, “hag stones””lucky stones” “blessing stones” “luck stones” and are also known by many more names.

I am sure, YOU have one of these somewhere! 🙂Chicken gods hanging on wall behind altar

In Siberia we use them as protection amulets and for healing/ drawing the illness through the hole in the stone.

In my husband Peter’s North Friesian heritage they are called Chicken Gods and you HAVE to HAVE one or, come Samhain, the Beelzebub will ride your cattle into death….. A rock with a natural hole through it is hung onto the door of the Chicken coop and also on doors of barns, stables and often out-houses too.
It keeps the Beelzebub and other evil spirits away from the door and what is inside..
Chicken Goods needed to be blessed before the end of October and if a pestilence had befallen the farm you needed to acquire new ones.
o find one in nature was a good blessing – but beware of picking up one that someone threw away because…….!!

We are forever on the lookout for Chicken gods and have quit an assembly of them.

Just now, Peter is with his mom on his home island of Sylt and wrote in an e-mail, that he had found several chicken gods – one tooooo large to bring, but several small ones one of which he will hang on our Tree of life, when he gets home. – A little ritual he always does…..

I use several of the ones I found over the years with my clients in shamanic work

large Chicken Gods and Crocked Tail

In the later parts of October I often do a “Hag Stone/ chicken God Blessing ritual for the pagan community and everyone else, who wants to attend.

This year however we were in Nepal, so no Chicken Gods/ Blessing Stones – right?

Well,in the next post I will tell you, what happened!: