Death in triplicate

This week I am sticking my nose back into the large Mary-El box. My friend Gregory E. is coming over and we will hopefully have a good talk about this deck. I can use a few pointers :)So here is a little something about Death:

I feel, the Mary El Tarot deck has 3 Death cards

Death of the ego:

To me this card does not show the usual Death and transformation we see in other decks.

This one: Death of the ego, bringing a serene androgynous balance between passions and knowledge on the one side and the feelings of love, attachment and personal preferences on the other.

What then grows is the true wisdom of non attachment symbolized in the flowing white hair that extends beyond the card into infinity.

The eyes are not dead. They are black pools that have seen it all.

10 of cups:



We all have the 10 of wands inside us, racing ahead, in time, towards the inevitable end of our mortal existence while fighting to keep alive- praying the wild ride is not over sooooo soon. Re-incarnation you ask? Honestly: Are YOU ready for it, RIGHT NOW! This minute?

Or would you rather ride the red Horse of escape?

Get the transplant, get the chemo, Not go on the Titanic, whom we all know, is doomed…..

We love Life and we do not want it to end. Not now anyway, (not ever….)

Welcoming the end of the ride?

We are not “there yet”

We will be, some day, when life feels like pacing the mortal cage.

When we are, we are, where the XIII is now.

But before? No, before we are there, we are this, and we have a lot of spunk in us – yet……

This card to me shows all our will to survive, our biological fear of death, the Death we carry inside us from the moment of conception.

10 of Swords:

The Grim Reaper:

This would make a magnificent single Death card for any other deck!

Is it the proverbial Grim Reaper or is it Morgana le Fey, out to collect the fallen soldiers from the battlefield?

Is it us, you -or me getting up the gumption to take out the scythe and cut all the dross out of our lives? Piles of Tarot decks we do not relay use, oooold boyfriends, who-s kiss tastes stale, bosses bubbling caustic venom….. Al that…. It is ready to be cut of since quite a while. When you pull this card, will you dare to – – become the Grim Reaper yourself – and cut it? All of it! Quick, merciless and efficient…?

Before this crazzzzy ride is over, we have a decision to make:

Our mortal hull –

Will we give it to the Worm Mother to recycle – or to the Phoenix and his eternal flame

In honor of Mr. Pecke:


In honor of Mr. Pecke:

I hear her screams: “Kawiiit, kawiiit!!

Where are you?

She flies up and down the clearing around our house, then back into the woods towards the nesting cavity high up in a dead Maple Tree. “Kawiit!! kawiiit! wiiietttkekekeke!”

Minutes later she is back, for a second lands on the Onion bag filled with fat that hangs from a line suspended between 2 Trees. She does not feed, but yet again flies of: “Kawiiit!!?? kawiit!! kawiiit???”

I would love to be able to tell her, what happened; where he is; and that he will not come back.

Not because he went of with the other female Hairy Woodpecker, her nemesis and the mate of his arch rival.


He is dead.

Yesterday evening yet again the 2 males were sparring, fighting for the territory around the house, the place where it is save from Hawks, Weasels and other dangers and where the feeders are still hanging.

They yet again chased each other from Tree to Tree, round and round the trunk, round and round again , then to the next Tree and round and round the trunk again, screaming obscenities at each other.

The have been keeping this up for over a month now. Chasing each other across the clearing and around the house. They were well matched, both in their prime and both knowing the lay of the land well, having been born here and grown up here.

Yesterday evening however it was windy. And as yet again they chased each other. He miss-calculated and in an instant it was over. Instead turning in the usual west wind to zoom around the house the unusual north wind got him and he crashed into the window of the living room. We run downstairs onto the deck, picked him up gently. Normally Woodpeckers are strong and quickly recover from mishaps like this, but not this time. Sadly his head flopped to the side, as Peter held him. His neck was broken. He was already far gone.

We were upset and in instant mourning.


What to do now? Put him under a Tree?

Within the hour one of our pregnant Raccoon ladies would rip him apart.

We simply were not ready for that.

Nasty scavenger that I am I also have to here honestly admit, that I thought about his beautiful feathers.

But I was not ready to take them.

Not right then anyway.

We gently laid him down – out of more harm’s way – as if that was even possible.


This morning I sang to him and played my dan moy for him.

I had a long serious talk with his Spirit.

Should I clip of his entire wings, dry them and make small smudge fans from them? That would be nice – BUT Honestly, I already have a set of Hairy woodpecker wings waiting for such a treatment. We had found this one last year on South portage Road on our way to visit a friend….

Should I take just the feathers and make small simple feather earrings for this summer? Would he like that?

The money out of that could become a special fund for Woodpecker treats like sued and nuts…..

Yes, that was more to his liking.

A little while later I took his sad remains out towards the nesting Tree and put it into the loving arms of our Earth Mother.

May he return!

As a little hatchling.

In a warm and save nest

In a Tree close to here.

May he be well.

May his forlorn mate be well.

May she find a new mate…

Next spring……..


May all be well…..

In Beauty and in Balance















Clients and Northern Shadows


   Northern Shadows 3 of Swords

I am having a hard time describing the card.

This is tooooooo close!

Right now.

This is, as if S and J are standing before me, right now, holding baby Willow.

See, Willow, Willow was not supposed to be here….

I think???

…………….or maybe she was…. .

Sometimes things go VERY wrong…..

Hydrops fetalis is one of these things.

S found out in week 21 of her pregnancy – and decided against a late abortion.

Willow was born still, but modern medicine knows a lot of tricks and they got the heart going again…. and she went on a ventilator – and she had 9 surgeries to fix/ manage the hydrops and several other problems like a closed left lung, a none functioning stomach and ….. a loooooong list…..

She was at the hospital for all her almost 2 years of “life”, never opening her one good eye, never even crying – never moving even one limb……

Slooooly but surely S and J recognized the “hounds of hell,” that rode over their little family.

The priest who spoke of “god’s mysterious ways” and the holy gift of life, that should not be denied, …. = why the tubes needed to stay in……

Yes, modern medicine tried EVERYTHING.

And S and J and Willow suffered through everything.

Somehow they had heard of scruffy little me and came, wanting to know, if I could help.

Journeying showed, that Willow’s Spirit was not in her body – not since she left the womb.

Willow’s Spirit was back on the Tree of Life, where it belonged….

And no, you do not have to give up being a christian in order to come here and ….

….pray for the unthinkable……

You are her parents and the unthinkable is to allow Willow’s body to return home.

You can safely pray here

to anyone you need to

to find the strength to……… :love:

They cried….

They prayed…..

They found the strength to

turn of the machines and the Spirit of Mercy took her physical form away, back into the loving arms of Umai Ee’ne, the Earth Mother.

The hounds of hell are still riding…

…..jumping across the empty cradle in the baby bedroom,

over J.’s outbursts of anger

and race through the nightmares of S.

When will their hoof beat subside?


Sunday they will come out to my house.

We will sing lullabies to Spirit baby Willow.