Puja for Konni

It was supposed to be a wonderful, eventful day. We were going to visit the temple complex of Pashupatinath, the lord of the Animals!

We were up at 6.00 Peter checked the e-mils on our small poooooter – and found the sad news:

Konni, his very best long time school friend had died of cancer.

We were devastated.

OK, we had been a little worried about him: Earlier in the year, on his annual visit to his mom in Germany, Peter had spend a couple of days with Konni, hiking, relaxing at his cottage in the country side, making delicious food, celebrating a big birthday get together…..

But since then nobody had heard from him – Neither Peter, nor the other close classmates. E- mails, phone calls and letters were unanswered.

We knew, Kony was a heavy smoker; the only one in the group of friends…

…. On more than one occasion he had stated, that he KNEW, that at some point lung cancer would catch up with him.

But in spring there was no hint – in early summer, just a little “stomach trouble”

Then- silence….

Until now…..

It had been his wish – not to involve his friends – and his sister obliged…..

Still we were upset and distraught…..

Even worse, we could not grieve – right now!

We were in Nepal, with a group of fellow seekers and there was a program to be followed.

We talked to Bhola, if he could help us, have a small ritual for Konni – and to help us feel a little better.

Later today” was the answer.

Later that day, after our visit at Pashupatinath we went over to the ghats, the cremation site by the Bagmati River.

Across the River there were several rituals in progress.

2 pyres had almost burned out, one celebration of last respect was just getting under way. The body was laid out on the stacked wood which then was lit.


A sacred Cow nearby. Touch its tail……

Further on a youth was searching for valuables and ? bones? In the river.


Bhola explained the cremation rites and rituals.

A guide brought a puja, a little leaf dish with flowers and a candle. It was for Peter and me to offer to the River for Konni. I sank all my sadness, my lost sisterly love and my grief into the delicate Beauty in my hands.


Bola spoke a prayer.

When it was time to go down to the River, I sensed a heart-felt pain in one of our student friends and asked her, to also come down with us, as I could feel, that she too had suffered a recent loss.

Then we descended to steps to the water’s edge and Peter gave the puja to the River.

floating away 1

Blessed Journey to you, Konni.

I sang a home going chant…….

There were tears….

Blessed journey ……..

Konni copy











Clients and Northern Shadows


   Northern Shadows 3 of Swords

I am having a hard time describing the card.

This is tooooooo close!

Right now.

This is, as if S and J are standing before me, right now, holding baby Willow.

See, Willow, Willow was not supposed to be here….

I think???

…………….or maybe she was…. .

Sometimes things go VERY wrong…..

Hydrops fetalis is one of these things.

S found out in week 21 of her pregnancy – and decided against a late abortion.

Willow was born still, but modern medicine knows a lot of tricks and they got the heart going again…. and she went on a ventilator – and she had 9 surgeries to fix/ manage the hydrops and several other problems like a closed left lung, a none functioning stomach and ….. a loooooong list…..

She was at the hospital for all her almost 2 years of “life”, never opening her one good eye, never even crying – never moving even one limb……

Slooooly but surely S and J recognized the “hounds of hell,” that rode over their little family.

The priest who spoke of “god’s mysterious ways” and the holy gift of life, that should not be denied, …. = why the tubes needed to stay in……

Yes, modern medicine tried EVERYTHING.

And S and J and Willow suffered through everything.

Somehow they had heard of scruffy little me and came, wanting to know, if I could help.

Journeying showed, that Willow’s Spirit was not in her body – not since she left the womb.

Willow’s Spirit was back on the Tree of Life, where it belonged….

And no, you do not have to give up being a christian in order to come here and ….

….pray for the unthinkable……

You are her parents and the unthinkable is to allow Willow’s body to return home.

You can safely pray here

to anyone you need to

to find the strength to……… :love:

They cried….

They prayed…..

They found the strength to

turn of the machines and the Spirit of Mercy took her physical form away, back into the loving arms of Umai Ee’ne, the Earth Mother.

The hounds of hell are still riding…

…..jumping across the empty cradle in the baby bedroom,

over J.’s outbursts of anger

and race through the nightmares of S.

When will their hoof beat subside?


Sunday they will come out to my house.

We will sing lullabies to Spirit baby Willow.