Water Flier

Water Flier:
6 of Cups
That is supposed to be the angel Uriel – love of god. Why -for the love of god – does he have these hideous claws?
I have to admit, through the Angels and Wings discussions here on the blog and at AT I have learned a lot! About the view others have of angels, of their origin and how come they are depicted the way they are. It also reminded me to take note of a well known warning sign I know in me: When I do take certain things literally,  what I see – on angels and crosses and a few other things……
I do not do that normally with other images!
I have to be especially aware, when I feel that certain gut aversion.
I have in the past discovered, that I did that to distance myself from these subjects. Like in “They do not work, so they are christian nonsense” and then dismiss the whole notion of people believing in angels…
Avoidance tactics – that is what it is called in psychology terms.
Avoidance tactics create and then re-enforce blinders and blind spots.
I have to do my very best to clear them up and out wherever I find them, to keep my practice and my visions clear and clean in order to be of service to others.

Well, back to the 6 of cups:
Because, with just the image as such I am quite OK.
Only the book tells me, that this is another angel….
If I would see a Spirit in trance, that looks just like this one on the card, I would not for a second question, that he can fly through water with these huuuuge wings. I would not question his lobster claw hands. I however would want to keep this Spirit away from my clients – less he pinches them….:(
But- on the other side: Could he pinch out of them the kind of deep seated dysfunctional stuff that holds them down? (I need pinching there, to re-examine and update my fixed ideas about angels 😉
I neeeed to do that because shedding light into these dark corners of my smaller self and dust it out on a regular basis, keeps me from mixing up “my stuff” from the needs fears and miss-conceptions of my patients and clients. It keeps my vision as clear and current as possible lets me see with fresh eyes and prevents me from becoming rigid and habitual.

I am putting the Hanged Man card next to the Water Spirit Flier

One dives deep into the subconscious and lets the loooong hair hang down even further to allow all the unconscious hang-up stuff rise up and be re-examined. Is this seeker is a gender-less person? Or is it a middle-aged women – like me?
She anchored in the vines of the Tree of Life – with that I do not mean the Kabbalah tree but the shamanic Tree of my ancestral teachings. The hands of this person are not hands anymore. There are fiery red dots in them. Are they at this moment transforming into the lobster claws of Water Flier?
After being suspended in the murky unconscious for a while, boiled in the bubbles of wisdom – eventually one has to come up again.
Up for air.
Up into tangible reality.
Up where in this middle world people are waiting to be touched by bubbles of wisdom, healing hands and feathers that encourage Spirit flight.
Uriel / Water flier was transformed down there,
even his/her sex – maybe….
Now it is time to come up and work with what gifts
s/he brought back.

Dragon killer

Dragon killer:

Continuing on with the 6 of wands, which is supposed to depict archangel Michael. The card is dark brown overall with just the light skinned red haired human in the middle. Yes, I wrote human. See, he/ she killed the Dragon, a magical creature full of the wisdom of the ages. With a rather grotesque finger hold the pale lad grasps the dead Creature by the neck. In my opinion, he also grasps something else: The truth that with this kill, with murdering this being, that is also a sacred part of Great Mystery, just like he himself he lost his angle status and became human.

Are angels allowed to kill?

Are angels supposed to kill?

Is the christian god ordering them to do so?

Ifff yes, he is sick and should see someone about it….

(  ;0 should I give him my phone number? 😉 )

They say, this guy is love and light…. but we all know better: Like soooo many other things in christianity behind the brilliant light there is darkness of righteousness, brutality, one-up-man-ship, vengeance and an attitude of superiority. “Me above everything! Me above all other religions – Or else!! And if not, I send my archangels…” – Like this one here to kill, or torture or …worse…. This is -after all the old war god Yahweh from the old er religion that people are praying to. And he was a brute… still is….The bible is still full of nasty things he put people through…. and I wonder, what all was edited out over the years….

Now back to this fallen angel; His wings are dark brown supposedly like the mountains in the background… – or they are turning brown with the dried blood that cakes them and makes them useless for flight = rising above it all…. He is supposed to be god’s warrior. What does this guy need a warrior for? Now this warrior has killed yet again – and once too often and – his face shows the apprehension and …… aversion about his own actions. To me he seems lost, confused even. Like, now what. Here, dear god is the last dragon. The last Wisdom Keeper of the old Earth centered faith. But with it also dies the angel’s own power and all that is left is a burning lance. And the world around him turns to darkness, which is why we can not really see much on the card.

I think, I want to next put here, what the book says about the image:

Quote Text Mary ELTarot:

The 6 of Wands is the Archangel Michael. His name means “Who is Like God.” He is a warrior thatcommands the armies of God. His fire and life force interact with things directly and with force, with vengeance and righteousness. His weapon, here, the flaming spear is like the lion from the previous card the 5of Wands, burning a trail through the dark forest, making a way forward. This dragon he destroys is darkness; he
estroys it with direct force and illumination, by going straight through it like a penetrating army. He bears the sigil of Michael on his forehead, a symbol derived from tracing a name over the rosy cross. Each of the four archangels have this
re on their body. Names are very important to angels, as they define who and what they are, limit them from the limitless, and define them. Angels often bear the suffix” el” on their name which is an ancient name for God as in Allah, El, Elohim, Ba’ al, etc. The el describes them as ” of God” or an aspect, a portion of God charged with certain duties that support the creation and maintenance of the universe.

In this painting Michaels wings resemble dark mountain peaks and there are legions of angels flying in the sky. Michael comes down to the earth, to the pits of hell, and slays demons and dragons.

This card is to slay your dragons. The dragons are whatever opposes you or your situation. Spiritually the dragons are darkness and ignorance within ourselves. We illuminate this darkness with fire.

This is also a marriage of these seemingly opposite elements, the angel and the dragon, or demon. A being from heaven and a being from hell, but both are part of you, one is your higher self or genius, and one is your lower self, your subconscious. A marriage of heaven and hell, angelic and demonic.

Your demons are part of you, they protect you, they have purpose. You can remove them, kill them, suppress them, chain them, but that will be destroying a beautiful aspect of yourself; it is far better to cleave to them, integrate them, appreciate
them and become a
well-rounded. strong human being of dark and light, than a shallow facsimile with a cracking facade using all of your energy to hold back the tide of things you deem unworthy to be you. It is all you, embrace it and integrate
it, marr
y it, love it, this is an important part of the Lovers. This is the last step of creation, where male and female, contrasting opposites are balanced and come together in symmetry and balance. Once you are whole, you have found the treasure of your being and you will ride off on the Chariot to do your will.

Michael is the patron saint of soldiers and warriors.

This Dragon was supposed to be darkness. Well, when you kill darkness – in this card you have more darkness. Darkness is the balance of light. And contrary to the christian belief most First Nations wisdom from all around the world teaches us, that there needs to be balance. Not just one sidedness. Too much of a good thing turns bad by nature….

The book says, that this angel is sent down to Earth, to the pits of hell…!?? Since when is Earth synonymous with the pits of hell ?

It also says, that the “el” in an angel’s name is to bind the angel to his god, make it like him and force it to do his will. Obey his orders. These include orders to kill….

The book contradicts itself here in the end:

(I actually LIKE that, because it tells me, that this whole notion is not really making sense to the writer either.:)

Are you now supposed to slay your Dragons or are you supposed to integrate them into your whole being, because they too are beautiful and wise aspects of you? I think Marie first dutifully draws us the christian front line. This is the bible and how it is supposed to be. But inside herself she knows better:

If we kill our inner demons, which indeed are a part of us, that then we would kill a beautiful creative aspect of ourselves – and we would stand there, forlorn and with hollow eyes, just like the poor lad on the card.


Marie come and paint for me

another image so we see

Holding Dragon in loving hand

Angel walks across the land……

What’s in a name?

6 of Wands:

archangel michael:

Oooooh but YES! I do have a problem with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not with the image on the card, but with the being he is supposed to depict, with archangel Michael of the christians.

With Michael!!!!

See: Ada, my father named me Mi-Shell. But my mother, having barely and with loss of friends, family, dignity and sanity just ever sooo barely escaped the concentration camp and its gas chambers wanted only one thing for me:

To be SAVE!!!!!

Save from the next holocaust.

Save from the next power wielding set of madmen.

So she had devised a plan: Make the little baby christian and give her a christian name, so she would be spared, the next time around…..

My father wanted none of that. He hated christians and that they professed one thing and did quite the opposite when nobody was watching –like kill people by the thousands in the name of their god….

But with the name thing my mother had a point and she knew it. Using this little trick had saved my fathers first family – and himself on several occasions during his time as a spy for the Russians and later the Americans in WWII.

What little trick you ask?

Fake names: When you are making your living as a spy, fake names – lots of fake names and birth dates and home towns and whole fake families are a tool of the trade.

When WWII rolled around my father had gone to the forger and had made up a whole set of fake papers for his first wife, who was Jewish, for his daughter Mausi, my half sister and of course for himself. It saved Mausi and her mom from the fate that many others had no way of escaping.

Ada also dropped his father’s Russian name. Going into the forger’s office a Russian emigrant, he came back out a true blue German with a christian name to keep him safe on the job….. It was one of many names he used and the surname I grew up with and went to school with was …. well better not spill toooo many beans on the internet……

At home we had a beautiful coffee jar full of fake passports and drivers licenses and so on – all with different names and different professions and different birth dates – And all with my Ada’s picture on them. I used to play with them, when I was lonely….

But I entered school not as Mi-Shell – “What kind of a word is THAT?” the school clerk asked my father – and: “WHAT???? NO religion???? You HAVE to have a religion! Without it she can not be admitted into school. So, what is it? Catholic or protestant? God forbid, you are Jews…..”

Luckily I can not quite recall just what my father answered her, but it was LOUD, contained nasty words and went with lots of expansive hand and arm movements…… But it could not change everything:

I entered first grade as Michaela – but still no religion 🙂

But when asked my name I always told the teacher my real name and was corrected often with the remark ”Michaela for the archangel Michael!”

I hated that and blamed that “stupid angel” for it all!!

Well, in terms of names things for me were still going to get worse, when a month before my 10th birthday I was taken away from my pagan/ tribal parents and stuck into a christian orphanage where nobody had a name and we were known by the number of our arrival. I was child no 235

I would have given much for being named anything other than that and the hell that went with it…

where was that oh so holy angel then, when it was about keeping me safe from all that degrading mistreatment and abuse. He did not help the other kids either……

But My Clan Guardian, the Wolf, helped and I made it out of there – after 3 looong and painful years.

It was only after coming to Canada, that I finally re-claimed the name my father originally gave me ……………………………………..***……………………………………………….


After writing all this I have to “come up for clean fresh air” and so I will deal with the image on card in one of my next posts…..


Overcoming hang-ups

Mary-EL Tarot

I shuffle the deck and pick my daily card:

6 of Swords.

Immediately my mind sounds out the Yuck-alarm:

Ihrroak!? That is archangel Raphael 😦

– All my hackles are up. I do not like christian angels!!!!!

Yes, OK BUT:

After the immediate gut reaction subsides I am really looking at the card= What is on there – NOT what I know from the book:

The predominant color is red. Alarm!!! Huuuuuge red wings – waaaay too big for that scrawny lad…. But red wings none the less…

Is THAT, why I had that instant = before thinking reaction? Red is also Blood and guts but also heat and sun and lust and fire…..

There is a rather puny looking red haired teenager guiding 2 younger kids, that could be his younger siblings – or smaller kids from the playground. This guy certainly poses no threat to anybody, he is malnourished and pale, nerdy looking. His hand is also kindly , protectively petting the neck of a medium sized Dog – a hunting Dog maybe…(I am not good with the names of breeds…)


Hands are predominant as well.

The hand on the Dog’s neck, the older girl holding hands with the younger boy,interweaving their fingers.

With an open hand the skinny teen points the way ahead, up some flight of stairs, while also with his thumb holding a strange long stick around which a black Snake-like ribbon is curled. This staff somehow reminds me of the caduceus – and right, I am finding out, that Raphael is in charge of healing and guiding the soul towards harmony and integration by dispelling fear, ignorance and – as in my case -dysfunctional oooold hang-ups!

See! 🙂 That was not sooo bad.

Looking at a christian angel in a new way and actually finding out, what they think he is for, instead of shutting down by the first sight of him…..

In wikipedia I find out that he too is a patron of physicians, so that is, what the blood and guts wings are for… 🙂


In the RWS system the 6 of Swords is often shown as a person in a boat, embarking on a journey, the boat filled with the 6 swords – the thoughts, the mind, Dark clouds in the distance speaking of past troubles, perils, hard times and hurts….

So this guy is the boat for the journey forward.

Into seeing things differently

taking off some old blinders

and let in some light and tolerance.

The little girl has brown hair, long and open – like I had at her age….

I am not the little girl anymore, that got dragged into darkness, abuse and pain by some christian nuns…..

Dare I now look at the other angels in this deck?

See, what I see, disregarding – for a moment – the knot in my stomach?


Hi 🙂

Gregory E here! 🙂

My immediate response is:

This card evoked two things for me : A painting of a bride preparing for her wedding by Max Ernst where she is covered with red feathers and looks much like the wings on this card :



Secondly the angel’s appearance reminds me of the god Pan, who always seems to appear with the same cropped curly red hair and the pointed elfin face. Pan is mischievous, and the immediate suggestion to me is that he is leading the children into a bit of harmless fun at someone else’s expense – like a class ringleader.

Even the wand with the caduceus has a “fun” snake wound around it ! This in turn makes me think of Peter Pan – who did exactly that. Which suggests to me – probably totally inappropriately – that this card is actually about fun. And – we often Can use a dose of fun to heal our deepest wounds.

Death in triplicate

This week I am sticking my nose back into the large Mary-El box. My friend Gregory E. is coming over and we will hopefully have a good talk about this deck. I can use a few pointers :)So here is a little something about Death:

I feel, the Mary El Tarot deck has 3 Death cards

Death of the ego:

To me this card does not show the usual Death and transformation we see in other decks.

This one: Death of the ego, bringing a serene androgynous balance between passions and knowledge on the one side and the feelings of love, attachment and personal preferences on the other.

What then grows is the true wisdom of non attachment symbolized in the flowing white hair that extends beyond the card into infinity.

The eyes are not dead. They are black pools that have seen it all.

10 of cups:



We all have the 10 of wands inside us, racing ahead, in time, towards the inevitable end of our mortal existence while fighting to keep alive- praying the wild ride is not over sooooo soon. Re-incarnation you ask? Honestly: Are YOU ready for it, RIGHT NOW! This minute?

Or would you rather ride the red Horse of escape?

Get the transplant, get the chemo, Not go on the Titanic, whom we all know, is doomed…..

We love Life and we do not want it to end. Not now anyway, (not ever….)

Welcoming the end of the ride?

We are not “there yet”

We will be, some day, when life feels like pacing the mortal cage.

When we are, we are, where the XIII is now.

But before? No, before we are there, we are this, and we have a lot of spunk in us – yet……

This card to me shows all our will to survive, our biological fear of death, the Death we carry inside us from the moment of conception.

10 of Swords:

The Grim Reaper:

This would make a magnificent single Death card for any other deck!

Is it the proverbial Grim Reaper or is it Morgana le Fey, out to collect the fallen soldiers from the battlefield?

Is it us, you -or me getting up the gumption to take out the scythe and cut all the dross out of our lives? Piles of Tarot decks we do not relay use, oooold boyfriends, who-s kiss tastes stale, bosses bubbling caustic venom….. Al that…. It is ready to be cut of since quite a while. When you pull this card, will you dare to – – become the Grim Reaper yourself – and cut it? All of it! Quick, merciless and efficient…?

Before this crazzzzy ride is over, we have a decision to make:

Our mortal hull –

Will we give it to the Worm Mother to recycle – or to the Phoenix and his eternal flame

Daily draws with the Mary El Tarot

My shamanistic worldview permeates everything in my life:

My work as an artist, my work with my clients and patients and also, how I see art – and the art depicted on Tarot cards.

Sometimes nothing special is “dredged up”

– and sometimes I “go deeeeep”

Welcome to the wild mix of the last few days:

Day 1:

Queen of Disks:

Worm Mother!

You dissolved my sister

3 years ago.

All that is left

are my tears

…. and her diamonds…..


Day 2:

The Wheel of fortune:

The Lady at the helm of her Spirit Boat:

Marseille was back then and is still now a harbor town, who’s luck depended on commerce and the ships from across the sea reaching port with the cargo in sellable condition.

With the Wheel being 10, the skipper is now in experienced enough to be in charge of his ship, his Soul boat.

She has to make decision to sail at all – or safely stay in port – and forgo the chances of rich rewards, because wind, weather, rain, currents and tides may very well leave her at the mercy of fate.

So, bare = naked in the face of the elements he/ she has to rely on feminine intuition and gut feelings (the wheel is at the place of her gut) to steer the ship onward to its destination – or into destiny

The fiery red and somewhat woody hair shows her bravery as well as her stoicism.

The white blindfold alludes to her pure intentions and also that still she has some of the 0, the innocence of the Fool about her.

The flower is at the place of her yony. She is wide open to the experience.


Day 3:

The Hermit is being swept away:

I see the wave of time cresting over him, spewing white wisdom and deep blue emotion that are threatening to drown him. Small swirls of yellow light hint at the glimpses of recognition we have in this sea of wisdom. But the wave is also sweeping him – and so all of us away, onward, before we can consciously grasp it all with aging frail hands.


Day 4:

The Devil makes me write this:

No, Marie, this Devil does not do it for me. Not at all.:(

He/ she is – yes – purple is the he / she color = a mixture of blue and red, but this He/ she devil is way tooooo symmetrical to be real. Too perfect to be taken seriously. There is no fire, no passion, no sexuality, no lust, that addresses the existence of all my hidden lust, leachery and neeeeeeds.

No abyss, no horror either.

Nothing that makes me dread – and fear, so as not to walk all over him

No danger, no warning of consequences,

no trickster spirit, no coowing, crowing greedy grin,

no tempest of temptation. Encountering him in a theta trance journey I would just walk right on by – or through this one, utterly unimpressed.

There are thousands like him, dead and starring…

Like commercials on TV, utterly over-designed and mechanistic/ formulaic

Too perfect, this cute little Lucifer, the top model after which the cristian god – by his own mistake fabricated his followers..

Whirrrrrling Snakes! Well. OK, so what?

I love Snakes …..

I touch them, pick them up, carry them around, rescue them out of bathrooms, I even ate one once. No, it did not taste like chicken….

I know Serpent Power, when it is rising up my spine when I do healing work…..

But this Devil? He does not really deserve Snakes. Put a little bunny with him

to tempt me to steal it…..

and see, what happens!??

With this one?

I bet you, Nothing will happen!


Day 5:

3 of cups:

Nice card.
A river dividing into 3 waterfalls.
So very NOT Mary El.
The message: There are always at least 3 ways to look at something.
In our Siberian tribal belief it says: 3 sides you see, 3 sides stay hidden
3 ways to judge
and fair


Day 6:


Have you turned into a gray haired Pussycat?

Lounging laid back lasciviously in Lilly ponds while licking Lotus?

Where is Mananan?

Foaming wildness that pummeled the drowning Hermit

…. once…………………

…………….64 aeons ago?

Mary El Mistique

 The Mary El Tarot:

Well, this blog was  supposed to also be about my use of Tarot and my regular “go to” decks like the Greenwood and   the  Ironwing Tarot and and my explorations of new decks in my collection.

So here we go:

The Mary El Tarot is the “it” deck right now.

Everyone has one or is getting one or waiting for one to appear in the mail.

Tarot enthusiasts are blogging about it and re-blogging each other thoughts, adding their own 🙂

On Aeclectic Tarot, and international Tarot enthusiast site, we have a study group about each individual card.

I received my deck 10 days ago and YES, the artwork is stunning and VERY different, none-traditional and therefore a rather refreshing and exiting change from the usual RWS fare.

Here are sites to check out the deck:

Website of Marie White, the deck creator with images of all cards:


Mary El deck review:


Aeclectic Tarot study group threads: